July 15th, 2005 @ 2:36 am -



Real quickly I'll go into what this is, who I am, and what's happening. I will also for-go bothering with spelling and the likes for the moment as I'm working off of only a few hours sleep per night lately.

Well alrighty then. So My name is Richard Melnick, I live in Nova Scotia, officially in Cornwallis NS, but lately more like the hospital in Halifax. This is my way of letting my friends and family know what's going on and so on with this issue that's arisen in my life. Back on Thursday June 30th I was admitted to the Digby general hospital for pain management, for what was believed to be only a slipped disc and regular back pain, which for some reason lasted over 2 months even through physiotherapy and chiropractics. They sent me the next morning to Yarmouth for a cat scan, which the results shocked the hell out of us all.

My Supposed slipped disk was in fact 2 vertebrae split wide open from the pressure of 2 tumours on my lower spinal cord pushing out, with a 3rd tumour higher up near my shoulder blade getting the point of doing the same. This was combined with the entire spinal region being littered with smaller tumours, at this point, too many to even count. I was diagnosed with Spinal Cord Compression, and was told when dealing with so many tumours, a biopsy wouldn't been needed to confirm it was Cancer, as 1 or 2 tumours can be random, but this many meant it was cancer for sure.. I'm still reeling a bit from that, but I'll move on.

I was transferred immediately that day on Canada Day to Halifax, where they began immediate emergency radiation and steroid treatments on my back to shrink down the tumours. This was a Godsend, these people saved my life and my sanity, I immediately went from the quivering bowl of half paralyzed agony to someone who can sit up and lie down without wailing in pain. The doctors tell me that had I gone just 24 hours more without treatment I would have ended up permanently paralyzed from the waist down.. not a pleasant prospect to say the least.

From where I sit now, test after test after test, I've undergone 10 radiation treatments, pokes, prods, and so far 2 failed biopsies, the doctors are leaning at a possibility that its a bone or blood cancer right now. No one will give me a prognosis, but one doctor did let it drop that with chemotherapy I may have a good 2 years left to live. They want to do a 3rd biopsy to be sure so they can pick the exact chemo I will need, but we're waiting on the details for that too..

I wanna go home to do the chemo if I can, they haven't told me if I will need to stay or not, but I'm anxious to get things to settle down and get my financial affairs in order. Getting fired right before you find out you're dying of cancer sucks horribly, there goes my life insurance, medical coverage, and plain basic income, now instead of leaving my family and fiancé with my treasured and meaningful items to remember me by, I get to leave them with mountains of debt and a funeral to pay for out of pocket, without even counting how much worse its gonna get paying for medication for the next 2 years. do I sound bitter? this should be the last time then, cause I don't plan to dwell on the bad.

I heard about another guy I worked with, not sure if I knew him personally as all I got was vague 3rd hand information, but right around the time this happened to me, he had a tumour in his head, and just falls over one night in the parking lot.. and he's gone, that's it, no good byes.. and that is why I am never going to let this cancer get me down. yeah I got hit early, yeah 29 is a short life to have lived, but someone up there gave me 2 whole years to say goodbye, and spend real quality meaningful time with my family and fiancé, and my friends, and that in itself can be a lifetime. and every morning I wake up to these hospital walls and I say thank god I have this time.

And that's where I decided to make this web site, what I'm calling my House, my place of living. Everything that I go through will be here for my friends and family to be updated ASAP about. when I get home, everything I create musically or artistically I'm gonna put here for everyone to enjoy, even if you don't know me.. What's left of my life is gonna be posted on this site, because this is me, and I want it to be something more than I ever was... now if that all sounds seriously messed up, keep in mind I'm on heavy narcotic pain killers 24/7, so my judgment may possibly be altered, but I just feel that this is something I need to do and I only hope I get supported. thanks for listening to my ramblings, and check back cause there will be more every chance I get
- Rich

ps, I'd proof read this, but its soooo late ugh, goodnight










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