July 16th, 2005 @ 2:35 am

Why can't I sleep? Well throughout this problem over the last months, I've discovered a more than irrational phobia of anyone touching my back in any way, that no one seems to be able to understand. The 2 biopsy's I got so far both involved going in through my back into a tumour or bone they were looking for, the whole time being only on local anaesthesia, thus me being fully aware of what's going on the entire time, feeling the needle slowly inch towards its target, passing the spot where the anaesthesia wears off -- cause they tell you right off the bat, they can't freeze the whole way down. Well basically I found it very uncomfortable, as both times induced panic attacks. The last biopsy was performed by this huge Yugoslavian doctor with this thick accent who seemed a bit angry at allot of things. So I guess it makes complete sense right now that I've now started having nightmares about Visa sending over Russian mob guys to drill into my back when I miss a payment. I'm not used to this, I've never really had nightmares in my adult life before, I usually am able to change where my dreams lead if I find that I don't like what's happening. this was the first one I ever had where I wasn't in control. I wonder what that means. But thank god the nurses are on staff 24/7 here, ready to give me more med's the second I ask. It helps.










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